


All Purchases Are Non-Refundable

by stepquietly



Category: Hockey RPF, TV Commercials
Genre: I do not know what this is, It is not, M/M, This was supposed to be porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-12
Updated: 2013-08-12
Packaged: 2017-12-23 07:22:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/923520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stepquietly/pseuds/stepquietly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teppo logs into the Maksuturva website and finds Teemu Selanne and Paul Kariya up as a 2-for-1 offer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Purchases Are Non-Refundable

**Author's Note:**

  * For [missmollyetc](https://archiveofourown.org/users/missmollyetc/gifts).



> This is for Molly, who really wanted porn but came to the wrong person for it. 
> 
> This is set in the Teemu Selanne Maksuturva commercial verse and is basically a sequel. IT WILL NOT MAKE SENSE WITHOUT THE ORIGINAL. You can watch the original commercial here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVEL1no5lyE#at=28
> 
> Thanks go to [](http://archiveofourown.org/users/thefourthvine)[](http://archiveofourown.org/users/thefourthvine)**thefourthvine** for being willing to beta this.

“Teppo,” yells Tuija from the living room, “have you ordered those new sticks for the match next week?” She’s well aware that he hasn’t. Teppo is the coach and general manager of HC Jussit, but Tuija is the CEO and her job is to manage Teppo. She knows that without her to remind him, Teppo would go to practice without any pucks and come home without any skates.

“I’m doing it now,” Teppo yells back. He heaves himself off the bed and shuffles through to his office.

“Do it online through Maksuturva again,” she says, coming in to watch. “They sponsor us now so we should show our support.”

Teppo nods. Maksuturva is great; first they had that great offer on Teemu Selanne, and then they gave the team nice new patches on their uniforms and the offer of only half price on shipping. All the other teams are envious of their good fortune

“Oh my!” Teppo exclaims as he scrolls through the various offers, “there is a best deal on offer. Teemu Selanne and Paul Kariya as a 2-for-1.”

“That is very affordable, and Teemu is a good boy,” Tuija tells him. “Even if this Kariya is not so good, it will be nice to see Teemu again.”

“Yes. Also Teemu was a good player and we sold a lot of tickets because of him for that season. We should advertise so the people know to come again.”

Tuija nods. “I will make a poster.” As she leaves to go to fetch paper and markers she says, “Make sure to use our team name for the shipping so there is a discount.”

“Good idea,” Teppo says, and clicks on the order button.

* * *

 

When the crate arrives it is twice the size of the last one, stamped with the familiar Maksuturva label on the front. Teppo arranges to have it delivered to the ice stadium, and wheels it into the locker room himself.

The team cheers when they see the familiar logo.

“Is it Teemu?”

“We will win the championship again!”

“It’s better,” Teppo informs them, and uses a crowbar to open the crate. “It is Teemu and also Paul Kariya. He is a good hockey player from Canada.”

Teemu and Paul smile and step forward.

“Hi,” Teemu calls out in Finnish, nodding at the now-familiar faces.

“Hello,” Paul says politely in English, and waves.

Teppo beams.

* * *

  
It is fortunate that the fans have not thrown away their ‘Teemu’ shirts, though the little boy who wore one of the Es has gone to stay with his grandparents for a month. Many people come to fill the stands and watch Teemu and Paul play hockey. Tuija sells eleven tickets for one game, a new record.

Paul and Teemu laugh a lot and make fancy plays. It is the sort of fast game that will surely take HC Jussit to the district championship. Twice in three years. Teppo and Tuija are very pleased.

* * *

  
Teemu and Paul settle in well in the Jarvinen household, and Paul also likes to eat Tuija’s cooking.

“You boys should eat more vegetables,” Tuija reproves, taking some of the dishes to the sink. Teppo guards the edges of his plate the moment her back is turned so that he isn’t forced to eat an extra helping of cabbage like last time. _Tuija would not appreciate it later at night_ , he thinks glumly.

Teemu assesses the way Teppo guards his plate and scrapes his vegetables onto Paul’s plate instead. He ignores Paul’s stifled squawk.

“Ugh, Teemu.” Paul grimaces but dutifully eats the vegetables while Teemu sits back, satisfied.

When Paul is done eating he gathers up Teemu’s and Teppo’s plates and cutlery along with his own and takes them over to the sink.

“Paul is very helpful to us all,” Teppo remarks to Teemu when Paul mimes an offer to wash the dishes.

“Yes.” Teemu smiles and watches Tuija put Paul to work with a dishcloth. He laughs when she tells Paul that his cleaning needs work. Paul clearly doesn’t know what she’s saying, but he smiles and lets her guide his hands in her preferred method.

Teppo watches how open and happy Teemu’s face is.

 _They are good friends_ , Teppo thinks fondly.

* * *

  
Tuija waits until both Teemu and Paul are changed and tucked into bed to read them their story. She’s got her glasses on and the page is open to where they stopped last night in _Mario Lemieux: Own the Ice_.

Tuija doesn’t think the book is as good as the one on Gretzky, but Teemu has already heard the story of Gretzky many times now and Paul does not understand her Finnish anyway. “The team finished second in the division, with a 40-33-7 record. Mario led the league with 85 goals, 114 assists, and 199 points. These numbers rank among the best in the history of the sport.”

When they reach the end of the chapter, Tuija calls for Teppo and they each say their goodnights. Paul smiles and nods his head, and Teemu responds with the same before the two of them huddle down on the small bed with Teemu spooning Paul.

Teppo turns off the lamps and turns on the nightlight on his way out.

* * *

  
"Teemu must love his car a lot to show it to his friend every night," Teppo observes later, after he hears the door stealthily click shut as usual.

"It must be because of the wide seats. Very comfortable and supportive for the back." Tuija turns another page in her book.

* * *

  
Teppo and Tuija help the two of them pack their stuff into the back of the Ferrari.

“It is not a practical car,” Teppo notes, and casts a proud look at his Maroon Saab, still working perfectly and with a roomy trunk.

“He has the same complaints as you,” Teemu informs Paul. “Neither of you can recognize a beautiful car.”

“Hey! I can recognize a good car. I’m just saying that you can have speed and comfort in a Lexus too.”

Teemu just shakes his head and gestures to Paul to get into the car.

“Thank you,” Paul articulates carefully in Finnish, and smiles triumphantly when the Jarvinens nod. Teemu makes his own farewells and promises to keep in touch.

Teppo and Tuija wave until they back out and take off down the road.

“They are good boys, those two,” Tuija says.

Teppo nods. “Another district championship. We should find place for the new cup.”

They head inside.

* * *

  
Paul turns to Teemu once they’re on the road and laughs. “You were right. I should’ve visited Finland with you a long time ago.”

Teemu smirks. “Maybe next time you won’t be the free gift.”


End file.
